The Mask

Today I took my parents to the radiation oncologist's office - Dr. Stephen Brown. What a nice man! He has had the best bedside manner of anyone we've seen. He explained that while radiation is not generally successful in getting rid of melanoma, it is the best option they have right now. And hopefully any cancer cells that are present are small enough to eradicate with the radiation therapy.

My mom will need to have a mask made to fit her face for each of her 30 sessions (1/2 hour daily for 6 weeks) to keep her head in exactly the same position each time. I got this picture from the internet - her mask will look much like this one. My mom will be fitted for her mask on her 75th birthday, March 25. She will see the oncologist the next day for a previously scheduled follow-up appointment. Then, she will probably start the treatments the week of March 31st.

The side effects are localized, meaning that she will have redness and possibly tanning on her neck, she may have trouble swallowing and a dry throat, as well as possible sore throat and fatigue. She should not lose her hair or have nausea. The side effects of radiation are so much less than chemotherapy because chemotherapy is a systemic therapy - that is, it affects your entire system or body.

Please continue with us in prayer that

1) the side effects will be minimal

2) that she would be able to open her mouth and eat better

3) that the radiation will get rid of all of the cancer in her neck

4) that the pain in her right shoulder will get better with the home therapy she is getting

May the Lord bless you with a wonderful Easter. Remember~He is Alive!

Anita

Realization

I took my mom to the surgeon's office this morning for a re-check and explanation of the biopsy findings. He removed 27 lymph nodes from her right neck and 8 of them were positive for metastatic melanoma. The melanoma has also spread to the tissue and underlying fat in some areas. He has recommended that she see a radiation oncologist at Va. Oncology Associates (her appointment is next Friday, 3/21). The surgeon also suggested that she speak to her oncologist about potential Interferon therapy (a type of chemotherapy which makes you very, very sick). If it were me, though, I would not undergo the Interferon, but we will discuss it with the doctors. My mom said to the surgeon, "So I'm not out of the woods?" and he replied, "No, unfortunately not, with melanoma. It is an aggressive cancer." She handled it pretty well but was shaken.

On the way home, she said "So I'm eventually going to die from this" and I said "You gotta die from something". While I pray for a miracle of healing, there is acceptance as well, in knowing that we all die from something and if it is your time, then God will take you. My mother's faith in Christ and her fight against all of her medical problems over the last 12 years is proof that she is here for a reason. God will use her in this trial as He has in others.

Her eating is slowly improving, but she still has dry mouth and the nerves on the right side of her face, mouth and neck have been affected. She is having physical therapy in home for her right shoulder pain and inability to raise her right arm completely. The nerves and muscles at the trapezius muscle were affected by the surgery. And she is bruised everywhere from the handling at the hospital (she has sensitive skin). She has lost 14 pounds in 2 months but is trying to eat as much as possible (she also has decreased appetite).

My dad is tired and thoughtful about the latest events. He will see the doctor today for shortness of breath and arthritis in his ribs (as well as recovering gout in his foot). Pray for his strength and health as well (he also has a pacemaker and defibrillator).

Me - I just keep going. But I am treating myself to massages twice a month. I went for a short one on Sunday but had to go back on Monday for an hour to get all the kinks out. I will return at the end of the month.

My husband is a saint and has been very attentive to my emotional needs lately. God bless him! Pray he finds a job he really likes.

My kids are dealing with their own issues, but pray that they will vocalize their feelings about this situation and just their lives in general. Pray that we will make it through the next 55 school days . . .

My dog - I love him! He helps calm me at the end of a long day. So cute he is, too! But the shedding, oh man!

Thanks for your continued care, support, love, concern, prayers, etc. It's a comfort knowing so many people out there care.

Looking Good

I took this picture of my mom today so you can see how much she has improved, especially over the last few days. We had lunch today with her and my dad and they had gone to church. We told her to rest today because going to church was a big deal. I know it took a lot of energy for her to get ready and go. Everyone at church was surprised she was there, too.

I got my hair cut yesterday. I needed a change and to simplify my life. It's been a long time since it's been this short. John doesn't really like it, but it can always grow back out.

I feel like things are on the upswing. Keep praying for strength for us all.

Getting Better

I saw my mom last night and she looked a lot better. Having the staples out helped, I think. She said her right jaw and neck hurt. She can't open her mouth all of the way and has to take smaller bites, but she's eating and drinking. I plan to take a picture of her tomorrow so I can post it.

Not in Control

After I had my little meltdown this morning (I'll get to that later), I realized yet again that I have no control - none at all. And that's a frustrating thing for the Type-A personality in me. While I am responsible for navigating the daily life of 7 people (me, my parents, my husband, my daughter, my son and my boss), and I have to schedule appointments, deal with clients, make sure my mom has taken her medicine, take phone calls from my dad because my mom is not cooperating with him, email my son's teachers, and encourage my daughter to strive to excel in school (while she does all the household chores for me), I ultimately am not in control. I think we Type-A's like to puff ourselves up by thinking we can handle it all - BRRRNNNNTTTT! WRONG! (Those of you in the Tab choir know that sound from the old days.) God is in control and knows what is going to happen long before we even consider the possibilities. But that does not keep me from getting upset when things go wrong. Which brings me to the statement - It's a good thing I don't own a firearm.

My mom was scheduled to have her staples removed this morning at 8:15. I called and confirmed this with the office yesterday. We were running late and the entrance to the building is really messed up, but she managed to get there by 8:25. Once she checked in, a nurse came to the window and kept staring at us. She finally came around to the door and called my mom to come back. She looked at the staples, said her neck looked good and said she'd be right back. She came back less than 5 minutes later and said, "Here's what's going on" - I just put my head in my hands, because I knew there was a problem. She said that they were not scheduled to see patients until 1:00 today and all the residents were in surgery. She was trying to get the Chief Resident to get someone in the office to remove my mom's staples. If that didn't happen, I would need to bring her back this afternoon. (The first time we went to this office, they didn't even have her down for an appointment and we had to wait 2 hours. That's why I called to confirm this time!)

The nurse left the room and I told my mom I was leaving before I lost it with someone. I then went into the waiting room where my dad and my son were the only 2 people in the room and proceeded to loudly tell them that the idiots at this office shouldn't have scheduled my mom for that time and that we would either have to wait for a resident or come back in the afternoon. As I started walking out of the office, one of the women at the front desk said "M'am" and I told her she didn't want to speak to me because I would go off on her. I went to the bathroom, had a minor breakdown and returned to the office, where we proceeded to wait another 45 minutes for the resident to show up and the staples to be removed.

So . . . we deal with that, my mom's neck looks a lot better and we leave the building. A nice gentleman (with the parking division) with a wheelchair sees my mom walking out (he took her in the building as well) and they cross the street to the hospital instead of coming back to the parking lot. What in the world!?!?!?! After waiting 5 minutes or so and seeing they are not returning, I go out of the lot and to the hospital to get them while they have turned around to come back to the lot. ARGH!

We drop Daniel at school (1 1/2 hours late) and I stop in McDonald's to get some breakfast for my parents. After being so angry (btw, I never yelled at anyone at the stupid doctor's office), I got to watch other people have a bad morning. I must admit, I was glad it wasn't just me! A customer was really mad that the cashier gave him the wrong order. The cashier, rather than saying he was sorry, told the man that is what he ordered and then failed to give him his hash browns (!). The customer was pretty peeved at that point and the cashier told him to come see him after he clocked out - that cashier could have taken him down. Would have been an interesting X-treme fighting match, but that's another story . . . All the while, the manager is growling at her cashiers and the 10 people in line are getting a good laugh.

I get my parents home and tell my mom to take her insulin and pills, and the new diabetes sticker thingy (like my technical terms?) still isn't working properly. She tells my dad she wants him to leave her and go get some test strips. He calls me and I tell him to tell her to just take the insulin and I'll have John deal with it tonight (which my saint of a husband is willing to do, thankfully). My dad sometimes has to call me to get my mom to listen to him. Oh, and my dad found her ID and insurance card (which she thought was lost) but they still don't know where her car keys are. Not that I want her driving, mind you, especially since she doesn't recognize city streets that she's driven for 40 years. That's so hard for me to see . . . dementia stinks.

The physical therapist was supposed to come today to my mom's house. Hopefully he's made it there by now and she won't be in a great deal of pain when he's done. But at least she has pain meds. :) Give me some, will ya?

Guess I'll actually get some work done now. Feel free to call my mom or go by and see her. She is eating better and looking better.

She Made It!

My mom has made it home. She has eaten pudding and a Little Debbie cake, along with some juice. Her sense of taste seems to be coming back. The home health nurse is supposed to come and evaluate her in the morning. It is going to be a long, slow process.

Thanks for the prayers and concern.

Going Home

My mom will be coming home this afternoon (Monday). The doctor has ordered a swallowing study to make sure she is not obstructed and then she will be cleared to come home. I will be picking her up late afternoon. Home health will come evaluate her tomorrow morning. I haven't spoken with her today, but the doctor and discharge coordinator both said she looks better and is sitting up in the chair. She doesn't want to go to rehab, so we will try bringing her home.

Keep praying that she will drink something besides water. Hopefully her sense of taste will return.

End of the Rope

I have hit the wall today. This is post-op day 4 for my mom and I can't deal with the exhaustion of trying to go to the hospital daily and take care of things at home. My mom has had a different nurse every day and I've liked them all except for the girl today. When I got to the hospital, my mom looked miserable sitting in the chair. She still can't eat anything because her throat hurts and she doesn't want to eat because nothing tastes good - she even turned down a smoothie and a Frosty! You know she must not feel well.

Anyway, after telling the nurse that my mom was asking for pain medication, I left her room because I could not deal with the nurse's attitude anymore. Maybe it was my attitude - I can't deal with that either, but I can't get away from myself now, can I?

My dad and my husband, John, stayed with my mom until the nurse got her back in bed and on pain meds. When they left, they said she was sleeping (she usually falls asleep with one Tylenol - imagine what Percocet is doing to her).

No one really knows if she will be discharged tomorrow, but even when she comes home, she has a long road ahead. My dad can't take care of her by himself. I need to know how to navigate the home health nurse and Meals on Wheels people because I work full-time and can't be there during the day with them. (And I'm an only child - piece of advice: have more than one child if at all possible.)

When I looked for pictures of people hanging on to the end of a rope, I had to smile at the one I picked because I wish that my hanging on could be as much fun right now. The sermon today (preached directly to me, I might add) was on Worship or Worry. I am really not worrying so much about my mom as I am concerned about how I'm going to do it all. I know God is in control. It would be great to have some extra time in the day or hands in the pot to help with just the day to day details of taking care of my parents. I know my 82 year old dad is concerned about not being able to take care of his wife once she gets home.

It's great to know that people are praying for us. It's only by God's grace that we get through each day.

My mom

I've created this blog mostly to ramble on about my mom's melanoma diagnosis and what happens when a loved one is diagnosed with cancer. I am mad at this disease and what it does to people, but also love seeing how God uses cancer in a Christian's life to be a testimony to Him.

My mom, Ann, was diagnosed with Stage II melanoma of the scalp in August, 2007. She has since had the melanoma removed (in September, 2007) and undergone numerous tests. Cancer was found in the lymph nodes of her right neck and she had surgery on February 27, 2008. Thankfully, the cancer appears to have not spread to any other parts of her body (i.e., it has not metastasized).

I work for lawyers who specialize in medical malpractice cases and have watched two of our clients die from undiagnosed melanoma. I know what this disease can do. I am so grateful that my mother's disease has not spread, but I know that it can recur at any time and anywhere in her body.

She has been such a testimony, especially during the last 12 years of her life. She underwent a liver transplant in August, 1996, at MCV in Richmond. She has never had rejection from the liver but was very ill in the fall of 2003 and spring of 2004. She rebounded from those illnesses and continued to give God the credit for her health.

Now, she is beginning a long road of recovery from a surgery that took part of her parotid gland and several lymph nodes on the right side of her neck.