In Memory

Mary Ann Matson NORFOLK - Mary "Ann" Edwards Matson, 76, was called home to Jesus May 10, 2009, after a 2-year battle with metastatic melanoma. She was born March 25, 1933, in Bluefield, W.Va., to Bob and Louise Edwards, who predeceased her. She was also preceded in death by her sister, Phyllis E. Worley. She is survived by her husband of almost 50 years, William O. Matson of Norfolk; daughter, Anita L. Monroe; son-in-love, John W. Monroe; and grandchildren she dearly loved, Sara L. Monroe and Daniel J. Monroe, all of Virginia Beach. She is also survived by her sister, Nancy J. Fitch of Tucson, Ariz.; and her brother and sister-in-law, Richard and Carolyn Edwards of Norfolk. Also surviving her are her niece, Karol Iwany and her husband Ed, and their children, Amy Marcou and husband, Matt, Amanda Anderson and husband Justin, and Ashley Iwany, all of Concord, N.H. Additionally, she leaves behind to cherish her memory numerous nieces, nephews, cousins and friends from all over the country. Ann retired in March 1998 from Virginia Wesleyan College where she was the first bookkeeper when the college opened its doors in 1966. In addition to her 25 years at Virginia Wesleyan, she also worked for the Pocahontas Fuel Company, Old Dominion University, and the Norfolk Public Schools over the course of her 37-year career. Ann was a member of McKendree United Methodist Church (and previously attended Norview UMC), where she was a member of the United Methodist Women. She was also a 58-year member of the Order of the Eastern Star, joining Princess Pocahontas Chapter in Pocahontas, Va., at age 18, and she held the following positions: Past Grand Chaplain of the Grand Chapter of Virginia, 2003-04; Past Grand Representative to West Virginia; and Past Worthy Matron of Ocean View Chapter No. 34, 1975-76 and 2003-04. She also worked with Bethel No. 3, IOJD, in the 1970s. All who knew Ann will remember her quick smile, contagious laugh, organizational skills, love of life, desire to help others, and stories of growing up in and the love of her home state of West Virginia. She was a fighter who gained nearly 13 additional years on this Earth thanks to the kindness of a family who donated their loved one's organ in August 1996. The family expresses their thanks to the many physicians who have treated her over the years. The family is very grateful to Odyssey Hospice and their staff, especially Lorraine and Flora, for their excellent care of Ann during the last nine months. A viewing will be held Tuesday from 6:30 to 8 p.m. at Hollomon-Brown Funeral Home, Tidewater Drive Chapel. A memorial service will be held Wednesday at 11 a.m. in McKendree United Methodist Church with the Rev. Michelle Louk and Rev. Bruce Carper presiding. Burial will be at Albert G. Horton Jr. Memorial Veterans Cemetery, Suffolk. Family and friends will gather at the Monroe's home at 4936 Locke Lane, Virginia Beach, following the service. The family requests that donations be made to the American Cancer Society Relay for Life in memory of Ann Matson. We also encourage you to become an organ donor and give the gift of life at http://www.save7lives.org/. "Brothers, we do not want you to be ignorant about those who fall asleep, or to grieve like the rest of men, who have no hope. We believe that Jesus died and rose again and so we believe that God will bring with Jesus those who have fallen asleep in him." 1 Thessalonians 4:13-14.

Published in The Virginian Pilot on 5/11/2009

Going Home

I just re-read my last post from May 7th, and indeed, God's timing was perfect for calling my Mom home to Him.

A week ago at about this time (10:30 p.m.), my mom started breathing differently. All the nurses left at 2:30 p.m. and the Seniorcorp caregiver left at 7:00 p.m. last Saturday. John & Sara came over and I fixed dinner for us and my dad. Daniel was at his best friend's house. My dad had found a letter earlier dated December, 2004, from my mom to Sara, bestowing upon her a silver comb, brush and mirror that my mom had been given by a boy at age 15. Sara treasured the letter and went back to my parents' room. She laid on my dad's bed and cried, like she had on Tuesday, when we thought my mom was leaving us.

I had given my mom her medicine at 2:30, 4:30, 6:30 and 8:30 p.m. At 2:30, I gave it too fast and she closed her mouth and coughed (something I hadn't seen since she was unconscious). Her nurse, Lorraine, and I were both surprised. Lorraine was able to pull her to her to help her swallow. At about 8:45 p.m., she started making a different sound (almost a honking) every time she breathed. I waited 10 minutes and her breathing returned to the way it had been. At 10:30 p.m., I gave her the next dose of morphine. Her breathing sounded different again, so I called Odyssey. The nurse suggested I crush and rub Ativan on her gums for any anxiety she might be feeling and if nothing changed to give her more morphine in 45 minutes. At 11:40 p.m., I attempted to give her more morphine. Again, she closed her mouth and tried to cough. I tried pulling her to me to help her swallow, but her body was rigid. Then, when I tried to give her the last bit of morphine, she clamped her teeth shut, as if to say, "That's not what I want".

I called the Odyssey nurse back and she said she was on her way to the house. She arrived at approximately 12:20 a.m. I gave her a synopsis of everything again, while my dad continued to sleep in his bed in their room. I walked out of the room so the nurse (Virginia) could assess my mom. As I was sitting on the couch, I heard singing from my parents' room. I walked back there and Virginia was singing a song to my mom about heaven and stroking her head. I sat down in the room with them and Virginia told my mom to give her dad and husband a hug when she got there. I started crying and said, my grandmother, too. I told my mom she would be with her mother on Mother's Day. I cried and said to Jesus, "Take her home. Please take her home." And He did. She stopped breathing peacefully and walked into the arms of God. My friend, Joy, had prayed with my mom the Monday before and reminded her that God holds us from birth to death. Virginia told my mom to go, that God's arms were waiting to hold her.

We woke my dad and told him it was time to say goodbye. He was calm throughout and we got back to bed around 2:45 a.m. Sunday and Monday were spent with my dad and it was so quiet in the house, especially after having a multitude of people there daily. The viewing was Tuesday evening and the funeral was Wednesday. Wednesday was a beautiful day and God even allowed us to see butterflies (my mom and I loved butterflies).

Thanks for the outpouring of loving expressions to me and my family. Please continue to pray for my dad as he makes this huge adjustment in his life.

Love,
Anita

Final Days

While my stomach is nauseous as I write this and my dad is having stomach issues & chest pressure, both of us from the stress we are under, I am comforted by knowing that God is using my mother's final days to bring Glory to Himself.

On Monday afternoon, my mother's pain increased significantly. She began receiving 1ml of morphine every two hours. By Tuesday morning when I kissed her (and told her she was the greatest Mom ever), her eyebrows raised in response to my voice, but she couldn't open her eyes. On Tuesday afternoon, I was told that her time was getting closer. I left work (where I'd been for 3 hours) and came to the house. All my family gathered, along with my uncle and aunt, the sweet Russian girl who is their caregiver, the hospice nurse, the hospice chaplain and the pastor. We took turns in the room with my mom and she was totally unresponsive. Her breathing became more labored and you could hear the fluid in her throat. I spent the night again with the hospice nurse there and awoke Wednesday morning to find little change. On Wednesday afternoon, the nurse said her lungs were filled with fluid and her pupils were fixed. And she continued to breath (10 respirations a minute). I'm thinking, how can she still be breathing?

I decided to go to Sara's volleyball game and sleep at home last night. I took my dad his biscuit this morning and checked on my mom. Her face began changing (the death mask, I would call it) on Tuesday night and she continues to look less and less like herself. This morning I could see her ribs. Dying is not a pretty process, physically or emotionally.

I have told my mom everything I need to tell her. I've encouraged her to place her other foot in Heaven (because I think she has one in already). My friend, Joy, has encouraged me with scripture (Is. 46:3-4; Deut.33:27)about God holding us from birth to death in His arms. I have told my mom that God is holding her in His arms and is ready to carry her to Jesus.

Yesterday morning, I was questioning God about why He continues to let my mom linger. She doesn't appear to be in pain. I know hearing is the last to go, so I speak to her when I see her. Sometimes it seems that her breathing changes when I talk to her, but I don't know. But then I read a devotion from Our Daily Bread (dated 5/6/09):

Why is being on time so challenging for some of us? Even when we start early, something inevitably gets in our way to make us late.

But here’s the good news: God is always on time! Speaking of the arrival of Jesus, Paul said, “When the fullness of the time had come, God sent forth His Son” (Gal. 4:4). The long-awaited, promised Savior came at just the right time.

Jesus’ arrival during the Roman Empire’s Pax Romana (the peace of Rome) was perfect timing. The known world was united by one language of commerce. A network of global trade routes provided open access to the whole world. All of this guaranteed that the gospel could move rapidly in one tongue. No visas. No impenetrable borders. Only unhindered access to help spread the news of the Savior whose crucifixion fulfilled the prophecy of the Lamb who would be slain for our sins (Isa. 53). All in God’s perfect timing!

All of this should remind us that the Lord knows what time is best for us as well. If you’re waiting for answered prayer or the fulfillment of one of His promises, don’t give up. If you think He has forgotten you, think again. When the fullness of time is right for you, He’ll show up—and you’ll be amazed by His brilliant timing! — Joe Stowell

Not ours to know the reason why
Unanswered is our prayer,
But ours to wait for God’s own time
To lift the cross we bear. —Anon.

God’s timing is always perfect.

My prayer is that God will take my mom Home soon. I am getting more concerned about my dad's physical health. But I know God's timing is perfect, even when it doesn't seem like it is to us.

Family & friends have been such an encouragement to us and we appreciate you all.

Love,
Anita

Hanging On

I spent the night here on Friday & Saturday, and plan to do so tonight. Yesterday afternoon, the right side of my mom's face became hard, red and swollen. We think it is an infection of the lymph node or part of the disease process. She also has a hard lump on the left side of her face, near her ear. She has had two doses of antibiotics and the swelling and redness have decreased, but are not gone.

The swelling in her right elbow has extended to include her entire right arm, hand and shoulder and is painful. The swelling in her legs has gone down, but her feet are swollen, cold and her toes are purple. It looks like there is a huge tumor in her abdomen. Her breathing is agonal at times and she sometimes moans. I am giving her morphine and Ativan (to help with agitation) twice a day.

She asked about my dad last night & I told her that we will take care of him. I reminded her that she will have a heavenly body. John & I told her that we love her & she cried & said she loves us too. My dad had a dream this morning that someone asked him to do a eulogy of my mom and my dad said, "God, why haven't you taken your angel home yet?".

Will keep you posted. Thanks for the love & encouragement.

Anita

Continuous Care

Just a brief update to let you know how my mom is doing. She has had a low-grade temperature the last few days and is dehydrated. She is eating a little and drinking, but not much. Her right leg is weeping (fluid is seeping out). She is incontinent and bed-ridden, but doesn't sleep all day long. She does watch some TV and her bed is by the window, so at least she can look outside.

She has been more agitated daily and they are giving her Ativan to keep her calm. She has pain but doesn't realize it. She has been getting morphine once or twice a day. Her head and back itch and I think that is all part of the fatal processes. She also has visible tumors on her abdomen (which is more rigid), and her right elbow and cheek are swollen from lymph nodes. A hospice nurse (usually Lorraine or Crystal) comes daily and changes her pain patch, as well.

I'm concerned about my dad because his memory is rapidly declining. He forgets to take his medicine and loses things more easily. My mom's nurse, Lorraine, found his hearing aid (lost for a month) in his car while she was looking for his lost cell phone (which she also found in the car). He rarely leaves my mom's side.

Their SeniorCorp caregiver, Denise, has been there for 2 weeks. She stays from 12-7 p.m. and helps the nurses, fixes meals, and cleans up the house. It gives me comfort knowing someone is there.

As of yesterday, a hospice nurse has been at the house 24 hours. They are staying again tonight and will decide tomorrow if she still needs continuous care. The continuous care nurse comes near the end of life to help the patient through the process. But if the patient stabilizes, the nurse goes to help someone else.

In addition to the physical issues with my mom, I have had to order a washer for them (ordered, then cancelled from Sears because of their HORRIBLE customer service, and then re-ordered from Home Depot) and buy groceries online from Farm Fresh (cool, except the groceries weren't ready when I went to pick them up). But the difference with the groceries is that Farm Fresh actually offered to deliver them to my parents' house for free. That's the difference in people who care. And I was SO grateful that they cared last night. Our law firm is also preparing for a trial in a couple of weeks, so it has been stressful at work, as well. And Sara's sprained ankle last week, coupled with Daniel ongoing huge load of homework, just adds to my exhaustion.

Thanks for the continued encouragement and prayers.

Love,
Anita

Easter & Morphine

We had an Easter picnic on Sunday in my parents' room. This picture was taken after they opened their cards and ate some chocolate. My mom was in a lot of pain on Sunday, so she stayed in bed most of the day.

I saw her Monday evening and she was sitting up while the SeniorCorp social worker asked questions about what type of aide we need in the home. We will have someone coming, beginning on Thursday, from noon-7:00 p.m. to help with laundry, cleaning, meals and turning my mom. My dad is exhausted.

Thanks to the many people who are bringing food and showing their love to our family in this manner.

At 2:40 this morning (April 14th), we received a call from my dad that my mom had been screaming in pain for an hour. I immediately got up and was there in less than 20 minutes. She had calmed down by the time I arrived, but I gave her morphine drops anyway. She slept until the nurse arrived at 9:00 a.m. At that time, her temperature was 101 degrees. The nurse placed oxygen on her, gave her more morphine drops and a Vicodin to help with the pain and her temperature. They didn't have any Tylenol in the house. Thanks to Gene & Joan for bringing them groceries (including Tylenol) today. Her temperature was down to 99.7 when I left at 10:30 a.m. Her other nurse came and stayed with her for about 4-5 hours today. My mom was very agitated because they re-arranged her bedroom. Hopefully, she has calmed down. It had to be changed due to safety reasons.

Please pray that my mom does not continue to experience the severe pain. That's been my prayer all along - that she wouldn't have to endure pain.

Thanks.

Love,
Anita

50 First Dates

It occurred to me yesterday that my mom's condition of not remembering that she has cancer is a lot like the traumatic brain injury suffered by Lucy in "50 First Dates". My mom has not had the opportunity to work out her anger, grief, and other feelings about having cancer because she can't remember what's wrong with her. So, every time she hears that she has melanoma, she is fearful. Yesterday was rough for her, as she asked me for the third time if she could come live with me. I asked her why she wants to live with me and she said, "Because we're here all alone and you are the only one we have". It breaks my heart to hear this. My mom can't leave the house at this point because of all the fluid.

I suggested to Sara in jest that we should make a video for my mom like the one below to show my mom all that she's been through. I told Sara I should shave her head, but she didn't go for that.

Happy 76th Birthday, Mom!

Yesterday, we celebrated my mom's 76th birthday, a milestone given what she's been through this last year. Our family, my in-laws, Joan & Gene, and my uncle and aunt, Uncle Dick & Aunt Carolyn, went to my parents' house and had fried chicken and key lime pie. My mom and dad really enjoyed it, but my mom was exhausted by the end.




Check out all the pics at

http://www.facebook.com/album.php?aid=2021999&id=1213561903&l=ed3550b0a6

Forgotten

Now I know what it must be like for people who have loved ones with Alzheimer's. In the last week, my mom has asked where I live, if Sara and Daniel are my kids, and if Sara, Daniel and John live with me. Just in the last two days, she has told at least three people that she doesn't have a daughter because I don't visit her anymore. She knows she can't remember things and she cries often.

We are sure the cancer has metastasized to the brain because of these recent developments. Even though she says she doesn't have pain, you can see it in her face. So they have increased the pain patch dosage.

My dad is continuously exhausted and I feel that I'm doing the best I can. I am going to start picking up their laundry and taking it somewhere to have it done. It just wears my dad out. When I do go to the house (at least twice, sometimes three times, a week), I take out the trash and do the dishes in the sink. I know that others who take them food and go visit do the same thing and I am appreciative of that. Their pastor is trying to arrange meals for them from the church. My mom eats very little but still sits up at the table several times a day. Everyone is, of course, concerned about my dad, too, and I've relayed that to him. He says he appreciates the concern, but he is eating. He is tired, but who wouldn't be? And he is able to go out daily to get breakfast from McDonald's and to the store.

Thanks to those who have brought meals and gone by to visit. I have a new appreciation for long-term caregivers. God bless 'em!

Love,
Anita

Condition Guarded

While this is not a medical term, condition guarded, it means that a person's health condition is serious and they are being watched for changes. My mom's nurse used this phrase when describing her condition yesterday. Her blood pressure was approximately 89/64, she has shortness of breath, the fluid has traveled to her right upper lung lobe, her body is swollen from fluid from her chest to her toes, her right elbow and right jaw are swollen and her memory is terrible. She is very upset about her memory loss, which yesterday included forgetting where I live. She also asks regularly about where John works and constantly asks about the kids.

Last Saturday, my mom, dad and I were able to go for a drive around Norfolk and Virginia Beach. It was the first time my mom had gotten out of the house since Sara's birthday. We drove by the Botanical Gardens, down Shore Drive to the Amphibious Base, to Chick's Beach up Independence Boulevard through Pembroke, through Kempsville to my house, back through Virginia Beach to Virginia Wesleyan College, through the grounds of Wesleyan (where she was a bookkeeper for 25 years) and back home. The weather was 80 degrees and sunny and we drank milkshakes as we drove with the windows down. I thanked God for a wonderful day, because I felt it would be the last time my mom would be outside. It was extremely difficult for her to lift her feet up the steps to get back into the house, stopping on the last step and telling me she couldn't do it. I said, "Yes, you can, woman! You can't stay out here the rest of the day." She made it back inside and went to bed.

As I was thinking about this "condition guarded", I remembered the Proverbs verse about guarding your heart.

"Above all else, guard your heart, for it is the wellspring of life." Proverbs 4:23

While going through this process of watching my mom continues to be difficult, I pray that I will remember to guard my heart, keep my feet from evil, fix my gaze in front of me and take ways that are firm (Proverbs 4:25-27). Please continue to pray for us as we take these final steps with my mom.

Love,
Anita

p.s.: The picture was taken in May, 1995.

Sad

I'm sad as I write this. My family is sad. We know that my mom's time on this Earth is not much longer. We put up a hospital bed on Saturday and put a twin bed in my parents' room so my dad can be in the same room with my mom. She is sleeping 16+ hours a day. The fluid is in the lower lobes of her lungs.

My prayer is that she will pass to Heaven without pain. Whether that's a few weeks from now or sooner, I pray for a peaceful passing from this world to the next.

Thanks for your encouragement and support.

Love,
Anita

Swelling

As you can likely see from the photo, my mom has accumulated a lot of fluid - 40 pounds in the last 4 months or so. Her short-term memory is getting worse by the hour (literally) and my dad and I struggle with this daily. She can be argumentative at times, which is difficult.

My dad is wearing new glasses (yay!) but insists on keeping them low on his nose. Not quite as bad as Mr. Magoo, but close. He is in pain, too, and tired from being a servant all day. Please pray for strength and energy for him.

My parents were able to come to Gene & Joan's house for Sara's 16th birthday party. Joan outdid herself and decorated the entire house, while John's niece Jessy took GREAT photos.

And my parents had a visit this weekend from my dad's niece, Martha. My mom spent most of the next day in bed after the visit. She tires more easily now, but enjoys short visits from family and friends.

Please continue to pray for my family. There hasn't been a week in the last four that all of us have been healthy. We've been fighting something constantly and stress doesn't help the body's response to illness.

Please continue praying for my friend, Anthony. He has been in the hospital for almost a month (and went in expecting only outpatient surgery).

Thanks!
Anita

What to Write?

Just a little update . . .

If you ask my mom, she's doing "very, very well" and "much, much better". I think that's her power of positive thinking. Realistically, the swelling has spread to her abdomen and they have ordered fluid pills for her. Her memory has gotten much worse in a short period of time. She is eating pretty well and she is ready to travel somewhere. I think she's tired of being stuck in the house all the time. And she's tired of the hospice people coming to her house every day. They have stepped up the nurses to 3 days a week and the aide comes twice a week. She and my dad seem to enjoy the monthly visit from the hospice chaplain.

My dad is exhausted and it shows. He has gone from a waist size of 38 to a 32 and from an XL shirt to a small. He and I got to spend time together on Saturday morning when we went to get eye exams and new glasses. We were able to talk in-depth about my mom's illness and how he is feeling.

Thanks for the prayers and thoughts. Please keep my friend, Anthony, in prayer too as he battles cancer. And my friend's uncle, Don, as he has terminal lung cancer.

Our God is an awesome God!

Anita

A Blessed New Year

I got what I wanted for Christmas and I thank Jesus for that gift. My parents and John's parents came over and had breakfast and lunch with us. We had a leisurely day opening presents and spending time together.

Things are going pretty much the same as usual, with my mom eating very small meals, taking 2-3 hour naps during the day and hitting the bed by 7 or 8 p.m. My dad is tired but still getting biscuits every morning and taking small trips to the grocery store (but not at night anymore because he has gotten lost twice). They got a new refrigerator recently because the old one had been leaking, they've had toilet problems and now we are trying to get their attic door fixed (the hardware is bent). Seems like there is a mini-crises every few days, but we get through them. My friend, Laurie, from church goes by several days a week to help out and volunteers from my parents' church pick them up on Sundays for services.

All of us had difficult days in 2008 and will undoubtedly have good times and hard times in 2009. I wish you a healthy and blessed New Year in 2009. I hate the saying "have a blessed day" because it sounds so contrived. But I do wish God's blessings on you this year.

I think the following verse applies to all Christians (James 1:12):

Blessed is the man who perseveres under trial, because when he has stood the test, he will receive the crown of life that God has promised to those who love him.

Happy New Year!

Love, Anita